Trust

Here's the crazy thing about trust...once it's broken, it's so hard to get it back again. Sad thing about it; sometimes it takes one person from the past to break that trust that will ruin it for everyone in the future. Being burned so many times in the past, by people that I thought were absolutely amazing, is devastating for me now. I have no reason not to trust my bf, and yet I have this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that something bad is going to happen. I don't know why. I know he'd never hurt me because he actually loves me...but still, I can't help but think that I'm somewhat not worthy of being treated the way I have been by him....like I just don't deserve it because I'm not good enough. I feel like there are other girls that are so much better than I am and that one day he's going to realize that and either just up and leave me or disappear. I know he's better than that, but I still can't get rid of that feeling.

Things Change...

It seems as though my life fell apart for a bit this year. In December I was in a car accident, in my brand new car, and was in a lot of pain from it. I still have some pretty bad back issues. Then I was dumped via text, quit my job, started a new one, and then was let go from that job. Started working at Cracker Barrel and planned on moving up north to the Jacksonville area...then something completely changed my life...or I guess I should say, someone. Yes, I met a guy. A coworker of mine from CB. Without a doubt the most amazing man I've met before. I know, I tend to say that a lot, but this time it's different. I can be myself around him. I can be 100% real and not worry that he's going to think any less of me. He makes me happier than I ever thought possible, and he might not ever know it, but he truly saved my life. See, I hit a very deep depression earlier this year. I thought that my entire life was a complete and utter failure. I was unable to provide for my child. I was barely making enough to get by, and what money I did have I would spend every night at a bar. I started drinking more than I ever had before...going out every single night getting trashed. I just wanted all the pain and insecurity to go away. I felt hopeless...lost. I turned to the booze and my pain killers for help and that only made it worse. Then I started hanging out with the new guy. He made me smile. He told me every day how amazing I was, what a great mother I was. When I felt like I was breaking down, he was there. Not gonna lie, it's because of him that I turned my life around. I stopped taking the pills and stopped drinking. It's been 10 days since my last drink. That might not seem like a big deal to most people, but to me...someone who was getting trashed on a daily basis...sneaking in drinks whenever I could...it's a huge deal. I know I have his support. I like being sober. I have some great job prospects - just had an interview today for an amazing job that I think I got - and my little girl is starting kindergarten on Monday. Most importantly; I'm happy. For the first time in a long time I feel loved, like I have a good grip on my life, and I feel genuinely happy.

Special Message for an Old Friend

He explains it far better than I ever could...

Gavin DeGraw - VEVO GO Shows: Not Over You