Three Years - No Change

I've been at my job for three years now. When I first started, I was introduced to all of the employees, typical stuff. There was one guy, the one that I refer to as Work Hottie, that seriously took my breath away. He was, by far, the most attractive guy I had ever seen.

I, of course, was pregnant at the time, so people just saw me growing bigger by the day. I put my infatuation with WH out of my head. Until last September. I was out with my cousin, having a few drinks, and I decided to email WH, just for fun. Well, this kind of became a weekly thing between the two of us, and eventually it turned into texting. The messages have always been on the adult side, and we've constantly talked about hooking up, we've just never managed to actually meet up. This has since escalated into me receiving a picture, and now I know what lies beneath, and it is quite impressive.

One of the last times we texted I casually asked if he thought that we'd ever actually hook up, and he said he was sure we would. I need it to happen, like, now. It's never awkward at work, which is awesome, but just hearing his voice, I think of the picture, and what I'd do to him if I had the chance... it's frustrating.

I just went through this and had to go over to my cousin's fiance and tell her about it. She said that when she heard him she thought of me. Now, she's seen the picture, she knows what I could potentially have my hands on, and a part of me thinks she's jealous that it'd be me and not her (she told me that when she first saw him he literally took her berath away as well). I told her that for my sanity that WH and I need to hook up, maybe that could be his bday present to me (although I don't want to have to wait another 4 months).

I just wish I didn't feel this way! I want this crush to go away, but I don't know how to go about it short of actually screwing his brains out. It just drives me crazy.