Can't Get You Outta My Head...

I'll post about my weekend later on tonight, but right now I just need to clear my mind and I don't know of any way other than writing it all out. I'm scared. I feel so vulnerable and I'm just waiting for something bad to happen. All those years of thinking I wasn't good enough; those thoughts are coming back. I mean, why would anyone want me? Ugh! I don't know why I'm thinking that, just am. I just am so used to having all these walls up and keeping people at a distance and suddenly the walls are crashing down and I'm completely letting him in. I know he would never do anything to hurt me, but it's still scary. I mean, what if he decides that he really doesn't want to be with me? What if all I am is a friend to him? He said that he backed away from the relationship because he needed to get some things in his life straightened out first. He said he doesn't want to hurt me. I believe him. Like I said before, it's a scary situation for me. We're friends and we're getting closer every day. On the one hand, if we do get to try the relationship thing out and it doesn't work, I could very well end up losing an amazing friend... on the other hand, if it does work out... it could be everything I've ever wanted. I'm taking a huge leap of faith here and a huge risk. He's 100% worth it. So many years I've told myself that he wasn't boyfriend material or that he'd never want to be with me, that I just somehow wasn't his type. All of that was complete bull because I was protecting myself. I can't use those lies anymore because I know that he'd be an amazing boyfriend and I'm quite obviously his type. I get butterflies when I get to see him. I get the weird heart racing, tingling sensation in my chest when he calls or texts. I can't help but look at pictures of us together and smile. I got it bad. Don't get me wrong... I'm not sitting here saying I'm in love or anything... it's just that, lately, he's all I seem to think about. All I want is to be in his arms...to feel safe and secure. I wonder if he ever thinks of me when we're apart.