Trust

Here's the crazy thing about trust...once it's broken, it's so hard to get it back again. Sad thing about it; sometimes it takes one person from the past to break that trust that will ruin it for everyone in the future. Being burned so many times in the past, by people that I thought were absolutely amazing, is devastating for me now. I have no reason not to trust my bf, and yet I have this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that something bad is going to happen. I don't know why. I know he'd never hurt me because he actually loves me...but still, I can't help but think that I'm somewhat not worthy of being treated the way I have been by him....like I just don't deserve it because I'm not good enough. I feel like there are other girls that are so much better than I am and that one day he's going to realize that and either just up and leave me or disappear. I know he's better than that, but I still can't get rid of that feeling.

Things Change...

It seems as though my life fell apart for a bit this year. In December I was in a car accident, in my brand new car, and was in a lot of pain from it. I still have some pretty bad back issues. Then I was dumped via text, quit my job, started a new one, and then was let go from that job. Started working at Cracker Barrel and planned on moving up north to the Jacksonville area...then something completely changed my life...or I guess I should say, someone. Yes, I met a guy. A coworker of mine from CB. Without a doubt the most amazing man I've met before. I know, I tend to say that a lot, but this time it's different. I can be myself around him. I can be 100% real and not worry that he's going to think any less of me. He makes me happier than I ever thought possible, and he might not ever know it, but he truly saved my life. See, I hit a very deep depression earlier this year. I thought that my entire life was a complete and utter failure. I was unable to provide for my child. I was barely making enough to get by, and what money I did have I would spend every night at a bar. I started drinking more than I ever had before...going out every single night getting trashed. I just wanted all the pain and insecurity to go away. I felt hopeless...lost. I turned to the booze and my pain killers for help and that only made it worse. Then I started hanging out with the new guy. He made me smile. He told me every day how amazing I was, what a great mother I was. When I felt like I was breaking down, he was there. Not gonna lie, it's because of him that I turned my life around. I stopped taking the pills and stopped drinking. It's been 10 days since my last drink. That might not seem like a big deal to most people, but to me...someone who was getting trashed on a daily basis...sneaking in drinks whenever I could...it's a huge deal. I know I have his support. I like being sober. I have some great job prospects - just had an interview today for an amazing job that I think I got - and my little girl is starting kindergarten on Monday. Most importantly; I'm happy. For the first time in a long time I feel loved, like I have a good grip on my life, and I feel genuinely happy.

Special Message for an Old Friend

He explains it far better than I ever could...

Gavin DeGraw - VEVO GO Shows: Not Over You

Beautifully Written - Bob Marley:

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect girls don’t exist, but there’s always one girl that is perfect for you.

and the walls are down...

You ever get that feeling that something great is about to happen…and it scares the hell out of you? That’s pretty much me right now. I’m starting to feel like things are falling into place; that I’m getting closer to my “happily ever after”. I haven’t felt this way about anyone in such a long time. The walls are completely down…he has my heart…and we’re not even an official couple yet. It’s weird and so backwards, loving each other without the long, serious relationship first, but it happened. It’s like one of those romantic comedies – the two people are friends for so long…then become the “friends with benefits”…then something changes, and they find themselves falling in love. It’s kinda huge for me. I mean, hell, the last man to tell me he loved me was J, so we’re talking almost 3 years of not feeling loved. After this weekend though, I’m feeling it again. I no longer have the feeling of unrequited love; the feeling’s actually mutual. It’s amazing and it makes me so happy I almost want to cry, but at the same time I’m kinda scared. I’m not sure what the future holds. He could seriously be the one. With other guys I didn’t want to get involved because I enjoyed my freedom, knowing that I could still look around and see what else was out there. With him though, it’s different. I can honestly say that there is no one else that I’d rather be with. I hope he feels the same way…I think he does, or at least is starting to. Just wish I could get inside his head to figure out what he’s thinking, to know how he really feels. He’s so absolutely amazing with L, but would he be willing to be her step-dad if it came to that? We’re a package deal – it’s like insta-family with us. Is he ready to basically have a kid? He certainly acts like it, just don’t want to get my hopes up too much. I love him and I’m happy and I just don’t want this feeling to go away. Still, not gonna rush it. Even though people give me crap about it, I’m gonna do things on his schedule so that he doesn’t get overwhelmed with anything and run away. Hell, I don’t care if I’m the friend, girlfriend, or wife…as long as he continues to be a part of my life I’ll be happy. Ok, that’s not entirely true – y’all know I’d love to be more than a friend. I want to be the only woman he could ever see himself with. Might be asking for a lot, but it’s what I want. I’m willing to wait for it too; he’s so beyond worth it.

Interesting Turn of Events

I've been fairly quiet lately, I know, but it's because I've been trying to figure some things out. Let's see what's happened. So, the bartender, nothing really ever happened. Not gonna lie, I was kinda upset about how things turned out. Dude was dealing with some personal issues; his grandmother was sick - and I was there for him, well as much as one could be via text. I tried to help him through it and be supportive, then there was nothing...once again, all communication just stopped. Damn, that shit happens all..the...time!!! Frustrating, but I'm ok with it. Everything happens for a reason, right? Well, I'm thinking it's good that bartender & I didn't work out because I've been able to spend more time with the DJ, and things are going pretty good with him. We're spending more time together, taking trips (and yes, with L), just enjoying each other's company. People keep getting on my case that I need to talk to him and we need to figure out where we stand, but I like how things are going and I don't want to rush anything. We have such a long history...we know each other...and he just makes me so happy. Not to mention the fact that he's just absolutely amazing with L. As sad as it is, sometimes I really think that he cares about L more than J actually does. And no, I'm not looking for a replacement daddy for L, I'm just enjoying this. 

We're actually at his family's lakehouse right now, just hanging out for the weekend. I'm waiting for them to get back so that we can hop on the waverunners. Should be fun!

Ok - I'll post more next week. Later all! <3

Simply Happy

I like him...the new guy. He's super cute and yeah, he's a bit young, but I think will be a good change for me. He asked me to stop by the restaurant last night to see him while he was working, and he ended up sitting with me for a while before it got busy. But man, got the best hug when I got there and left. Just wanna kiss him! I just need to behave and not try to get him in trouble while at work. Can't wait to spend time together outside of the restaurant. He's a cutie and is actually interested, so I'm happy. That's all...just freaking happy. :)

Life is Funny

Wow...so after that nice vent about S6C I was, once again, ready to throw in the towel. Then, during lunch, I got a text from the bartender. Now, I knew he had a girfriend, we talked about that the other night. He told me that she was interested in a 3some but didn't know of anyone to join in, so of course, I was nice enough to offer my services (thus the number exchange). Well... he texted me letting me know that she dumped him. I felt horrible about it, thinking that I was partially to blame, but he said it was entirely his fault. That it obviously wasn't meant to be and if he was really digging her then he never would have flirted with me. He was just frustrated that she was I guess accusing him of cheating and he said he never has, and this is the first time he's been accused of that. But whatever. So... assuming I can get a sitter, we're going out on Sunday. :)

In addition to that, my good friend, the DJ, asked me to call him (this is after poking fun at me via my FB wall about me being a FB junkie). Turns out he has tickets to this pool party tonight for the Marlins game, but he needs to bring girls with him and he wanted me to be the girl. I so want to, but the thing is that I'd have to be at the stadium by 7, and I can't drop Lo off with the sitter until 8. Maybe my sister would be nice enough to drop her off for me, but I doubt it.

So interesting turn of events at lunch. Went from being super pissed and annoyed by guys to not being able to get this cheesy ass smile off of my face. Makes me wonder what could happen next. =)

What the Frickin Frick?!?

Oh...my...GOD!!! Here is my luck with guys; I either have a great guy in my life that suddenly decides to cease communication...or I have a not so great guy that wants to be all clingy and relationshipy super fast. Why can't I seem to find a good balance of the two?

This new dude surpassed the Stage 5 Clinger status...he's at Stage 6, so I'll call him S6C. He's a friend of a friend. She thought we'd be good together - and although he's totally not my type (he's like a 36 year old ginger, skin-headed redneck type guy), I figured I'd go ahead and give it a shot since going after my type of guys hasn't really worked for me. So met the dude on Sunday - went out on a boat with him & my friend. He seemed nice enough. Anyway...then things get to be a bit much. Little things like him pestering me to stop by, just for a quick second, just for one kiss. Then him telling me he wants to be there for me "always" and that he "sees good things for us in the future". This was like day 3 of knowing him.

Then, on Wednesday, I had the day off so went to TGIFridays for some food and a drink or two. The bartender was soooo freaking cute! Flirted with him for a couple of hours...got the digits and whatnot, it was nice. Anyway, apparently S6C was pissy and around 6:30 bitched to my friend that I was still sitting at the bar instead of seeing him - little did he know I'd been talking to her so she was able to fill him in on the fact that at that point I was passed out in bed - Long Island Ice Teas are not my friend.

Thursday he was all upset because I didn't call or text him on Wednesday. I explained to him that I was dealing with some things, and one of them was finally being able to talk to the Producer and getting some closure. Then he got all pissy like, if that happened back in May, why do you need to talk to him now? Um...because I was able to. He wanted to see me that night but I had other plans, then he was texting me later that night to make sure I was actually doing what I said I was doing.

So Friday morning (today) rolls around and I get a text from my friend. She tells me that S6C is ready to throw in the towel because I'm not paying enough attention to him and he's impatient and whatnot. I'm thinking - sweet, no problem there. Then he texts me that he wants me to call him after work to talk about things. What the hell dude? Really, this much drama from a guy that I haven't even known a week? So I told him what my friend told me and he totally goes the other way, being all like - I never said that, and whatnot. Actually, here's what he said...

"no im not any of that im very patient I have been and always will be..don't. Care if you can't go out but the one thing im confused with is if you remotely interested in me all I ask is a text once in a while just to show me that you are...I know your situation i want to be here to help or do what it takes to make you happy and as you know im nothing like anyone you dated before I don't care if I don't see you everyday I only want a sign that you are still interested in me if you are at all im not mad at all just want a kiss that I've been waiting for since Wednesday lol don't be upset with me please"

First off... when did proper punctuation go out of style? Drives me insane! Second - he said the exact opposite to my friend. Come on dude... can't bullshit a bullshitter. And never... EVER tell me that you're nothing like the other guys in my life because I've heard that line so many times it just pisses me off. And that's exactly what it is...just a lame ass line to try to get the girl. Doesn't work for me.

Anyway, I told him that and he said he doesn't want me running anywhere but towards him and how we'd be so happy together and whatnot. Yeah, it might sound sweet to some people, but everything all rolled into one... it's a little much considering we JUST met! Too much drama! So I told him that much and he got all pissy. What the fuck ever. Honestly - I'd much rather be semi-ignored by hottie Producer than smothered by weird S6C.

Never letting my friends set me up with guys again!

When Voicemail-to-Text goes bad…

I had a trial for VM-to-Text, and I got some funny transcriptions that weren’t even close to what the voicemail said. So here are some of my favorites, everything is exactly like the messages I got – punctuation and all. Enjoy:

“Hey honey, I wonder if you’re going to club house right now, go look on as long while looking well thing combi somebody tell you I said was 5825 if you try to call Shafer what I could really use it right now, someone call need an endless lappy please come by after class. Oh look at the office. I was disconnected at all. Whenever you can. I’ll just be like I said I really need you right now, what, right. I love you, Ohio, but thank you. I go. Bye.”

“Yay say oh just cute. I got some good news thing. So just so keep out for me. I shan’t. Bye. He.”

“Hey, sorry to be a booklet really important alright girl. I give you a call of this is me, what’s up with you somewhere. I we’re.”

And finally…..

“Buyers not classroom work. Calling the check on you. I saw your Facebook and twitter status make sure you’re OK. Let me know. See anything back.”

I think technology failed me on these, because I couldn’t really decipher what the heck anyone was saying so I needed to listen to the VM anyway….so…. VM-to-Text FAIL! At least it was funny to read. 

what the hell?

I seriously have to sit back sometimes and just think to myself… “self… what the hell is wrong with you?!?” I mean, honestly I don’t get myself. I wish I could be cold and heartless sometimes, but that’s just not me. I’m just such a lovey person. Normally I’d say, unless you cross me, but to be completely honest, I just cannot hold a grudge. I mean, there’s this one guy that played me hardcore. I mean, he was good. I found out that he lied about his relationship status and it pissed me off. I mean, I really digged this guy. Looks, yeah, he’s good looking, but more than that was his personality. We used to talk all the time about everything. Just felt this awesome connection. The azzhat even had the audacity to talk to me about my daughter, inviting her out to dinner one time. He told me he couldn’t wait for me to meet his dad and friends, and when I mentioned to him that my friends keep saying that I need to find myself a good man, he said that I’d found one already (him). I mean… the fuck? Why the hell would someone say that knowing that they have a girlfriend? That’s just unnecessarily cruel. I called him out on it, via text because I probably would have chickened out over the phone, and here’s a shocker, he hasn’t replied. It’s like I was nothing but a fucking game to him. I just don’t understand the thought process behind the things that people do. He’s a sadistic bastard; likes to hurt girls emotionally. I guess at the end of the day I got lucky though – heard from a friend of his that he treats his girlfriend like shit, yelling at her and talking down to her. It took me such a long time to get out of J’s control, the last thing I need is to end up in a situation where I’m mentally and emotionally abused again. And yet… I miss him. I just want him to tell me that it’s not true and that he actually cared, but I know that will never happen. I think I’m just lonely and needing someone to, not be with, but to be able to spoil and kinda take care of. See, people might not believe it, but I absolutely love giving massages and scratching someone’s head. Just doing whatever possible to make them comfortable and happy. I’m so weird. Anyway, I feel uber nauseous right now, like something really bad is about to happen. I don’t like this feeling. I want it to go away.

Anemia... how I hate thee!

It's Time for Another VIDEO BLOG!!! Yay!!!

Just Dealing...

What through radiance that was once so bright, be now forever taken from my sight. Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass , of glory in the flower; we will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind. 

William Wadsworth

I kinda love how my venting on my blog really helps me to see things more clearly. I’m just frustrated right now at the lack of communication from some people. I’m ready to just walk away. I mean, granted, the guy is probably 100% worth the wait and worth all this frustration, but I just don’t feel like I deserve to be pushed aside like I’m nothing. I’m not a “back-burner” type girl. If you want me, if you actually care about me, then you’ll make time for me. It’s as easy as that. Lord knows that my life is incredibly hectic, but I always make time for the people I care about. Might have something to do with the fact that I’m not a cold and heartless bitch. Not saying that any of the guys I’m talking about are cold heartless bitches, just saying that I’m not one.

Anyway, roomie is out of town for a week – oh yeah, moved out a couple of months ago. I plan on spending this time just organizing everything. Hopefully I’ll be able to finish moving my stuff in. Looks like I’ll be doing that on my own since the person that said they’d help had been kinds absent. And this, my friends, is why I never depend on a guy for anything. It’s not worth the hassle and heartbreak when they blow you off.

This weekend is going to be pretty tough for me. On Saturday we are going to a service for one of our former co-workers that recently passed away. I worked closely with her for my first couple of years here. She was young, in her thirties, but she was very sick – cancer. Then on Sunday I’m going with my grandmother to the cemetery. Papa Al’s nameplate and everything should be put in by now so we’re going to pay our respects – he passed on May 19th of a heart attack. Grandma found him slumped over at home and the ambulance rushed him to the hospital. Mom and I got there right before the Dr called us all in to let us know he didn’t survive. It was so unbelievably hard to hear and I tried to stay strong for my grandmother, but still broke down. Lo and I went over there practically every weekend, spent so much time with him. Yesterday would have been his 82nd birthday. I took Lo over there last weekend and she walked into the house and first thing she asked – “Where’s Papa Al?”. So grandma and I had to explain to her again that he’s up in heaven. It sucks, I miss him. I gotta stop talking about it or I’m gonna start crying again.

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love.

Washington Irving

Relay for Life

This year, over 1.4 million Americans will hear the words ‘You have cancer’. I know too many people who have been touched by cancer, and that is why I have joined the American Cancer Society on a mission to save lives and create a world with more birthdays by participating in the Relay For Life in my community.

At Relay For Life we celebrate loved ones who have won their battle against cancer, remember those who are no longer with us, and fight back against this disease that touches so many. I am determined to make a difference, and I hope you will join me. I will be Relaying on May 7th, 2011 in Vierra Suntree, Fl.

Please, support me in my efforts by using the link below to visit my personal web page and make a donation. Every dollar raised brings us one dollar closer to a cure.

Thank you so much for your support. Together, we ARE saving lives and creating a world with more birthdays!

Team La Joie de la Vie

BAM!!!

Yup... that's the sound of the other shoe dropping. I appreciate the honesty of people, but some things really are best left unsaid. I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever really be able to be happy...or maybe I need to get back on my meds. I just hate having to depend on them to put a dang smile on my face. It's not fair.

I might be overreacting, but I don't know. I mean... I can handle what I found out - there really was no betrayal or anything - I just didn't want to know about it. What I cannot handle is breaking down and having a certain person...the one that I drop everything to be there for when needed... not be there for me. I'm sorry, but if someone you supposedly care about and don't want to hurt leaves a voicemail, crying, saying that they just need someone to talk to... wouldn't you call them back? Meanwhile, my best friend's boyfriend just saw a simple tweet and called me right away to see if I was ok. Broke down in tears with him on the phone. I just don't know how I'm going to explain to my daughter that she really is never going to know her father. I was so hoping that he'd get his act together and one day be a part of her life, but obviously that's never going to happen. And she does love him. We talk about him, she sees his pictures so she knows what he looks like. They're learning about families at school now so she's been asking to see him more and more and all I can tell her is that he was a bad listener and didn't follow the rules so he's in time out for a long time. That's not gonna fly forever. This is just hitting me harder then I expected. Yeah, he's gonna spend a long time in jail, most people would think I'd be thrilled, but I'm just so disappointed instead.

Oh, and I'm doing a 5K run tonight so I get to see my ex, C, and his girlfriend there tonight. Those f*kers don't even work here and yet they're gonna participate. I shouldn't let it get to me, but she's the girl he tossed me aside for, so it stings a little. I hate this. I was doing so good for like a week and now I feel like everything is crumbling down around me...again.

We Made A Difference

So anyone that is friends with me on Facebook knows that I have a major issue with my Tuesday night professor. She always shows up at least 20 minutes late, she's completely unorganized, and last week the whole class was sitting around for an hour waiting to take an exam and no one showed. So everyone in the class pretty much wrote to the Dean expressing our displeasure about her. Last night I show up in class, the TA comes in and says she doesn't have the test for us to take, so we're all like, wtf? Then in walks the Dean of the college along with the Assistant Dean. Turns out that because of our complaints the professor will no longer be teaching our class (Dean said she was dealing with personal issues... coming to class smelling like a bar is probably one of them). So we have two options... we can withdraw from the class for a full refund - he'll even try to get the registrar to completely clear it out so we don't even have a W, it'll be like we never registered for the class... or, we could stay and he will teach the class. He's gonna give 2 more exams, so it'll be 3 total (the average grade for the first exam was a D), then he's only going to count the two highest grades. So we might actually have a shot at passing this required course. Yeah, kinda feel bad that she lost her job or whatever, but it's unfair to us as paying students to get screwed by a bad teacher.

To add on to that, got word that the ex violated his probation. Still waiting for the website to update to give me more information, but if he did then he'll probably be locked up until L is in high school (assuming he's released for good behavior).

RIP Elizabeth Taylor.

Sleepless in Ft. Lauderdale

Could not sleep last night. I hate it when that happens. I'm not a morning person to begin with, so when I don't get a good night's sleep I'm especially cranky in the morning. And of course today Lo wanted to throw a fit because she wanted to wear a dress and I told her she had to wear some tights or pants or something under since she doesn't quite get the whole modesty thing and the teachers requested it. We ended up compromising; she wore white shorts under it. Then I had to get gas this morning which I completely forgot about... needless to say I showed up an hour late.

Anyway, woke up to a text from my Aunt suggesting that I try out for the X Factor next month. She thinks I'd do great. I mean, I have a somewhat decent voice, so I dunno, maybe I will try out. What's the worse that could happen?

Ok, now to try to get some work done. Jamming out to the soundtrack of "Burlesque"... great music. And even though I'm lacking in the sleep department, I'm doing pretty good. Last night Lo and I played "baseball" in the driveway. She was so funny, she's like, "Keep the ball on my eyes!" Then we went out back to finger paint and we both ended up covered in paint. It was so much fun, I loved it. Tonight after my test we're heading over to the park again. Good times. :)

Can't Get You Outta My Head...

I'll post about my weekend later on tonight, but right now I just need to clear my mind and I don't know of any way other than writing it all out. I'm scared. I feel so vulnerable and I'm just waiting for something bad to happen. All those years of thinking I wasn't good enough; those thoughts are coming back. I mean, why would anyone want me? Ugh! I don't know why I'm thinking that, just am. I just am so used to having all these walls up and keeping people at a distance and suddenly the walls are crashing down and I'm completely letting him in. I know he would never do anything to hurt me, but it's still scary. I mean, what if he decides that he really doesn't want to be with me? What if all I am is a friend to him? He said that he backed away from the relationship because he needed to get some things in his life straightened out first. He said he doesn't want to hurt me. I believe him. Like I said before, it's a scary situation for me. We're friends and we're getting closer every day. On the one hand, if we do get to try the relationship thing out and it doesn't work, I could very well end up losing an amazing friend... on the other hand, if it does work out... it could be everything I've ever wanted. I'm taking a huge leap of faith here and a huge risk. He's 100% worth it. So many years I've told myself that he wasn't boyfriend material or that he'd never want to be with me, that I just somehow wasn't his type. All of that was complete bull because I was protecting myself. I can't use those lies anymore because I know that he'd be an amazing boyfriend and I'm quite obviously his type. I get butterflies when I get to see him. I get the weird heart racing, tingling sensation in my chest when he calls or texts. I can't help but look at pictures of us together and smile. I got it bad. Don't get me wrong... I'm not sitting here saying I'm in love or anything... it's just that, lately, he's all I seem to think about. All I want is to be in his arms...to feel safe and secure. I wonder if he ever thinks of me when we're apart.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!

This is quite possibly the best day of the year for me. I'm Irish, so it gives me a chance to show my Irish pride (as if I don't mention it any other day). Typically I'd go out drinking like a fish, although I haven't done that in a few years, since I had my kid actually. Tonight I'm not going out and going crazy or anything. 1- I have a test tonight, and 2 - I'm taking a very long trip early in the morning tomorrow and I do not feel like throwing up on the side of I-95 because my dumbass has a hangover. We also get corned beef & cabbage tonight! YUM!!!

On a side note... 5 years ago today I hooked up with my friend for the first time. I figured after 7 years it was about time to give in. I was definitely a challenge but he never once got upset or frustrated with me (at least he never showed it). Now, 5 years later (and 13 years into the friendship), we are closer then ever. I love it.

So tomorrow I'm heading up to Gainesville to spend time with some of my family up there. I had intended to bring L, but after all of my plans were made and whatnot my sis told me that her daughter's party is this Saturday. Crap. She said I didn't have to be there but that L did, so she said she'd watch her. I would have just cancelled my trip but one of my cousins is going through somewhat of a personal crisis and I just need to be there for him. We're like super close yet live 5 hours away. Sucks. So I get to pick up my rental at 8 tomorrow and hit the road. Stopping off in Melbourne to have lunch with my older sister and see my niece then trucking along until I hit G-ville. Fun times. :)

btw - I did my good deed for the day and donated blood. Then I got in an interesting conversation with a friend of mine that I shouldn't donate because they just sell the blood to the hospitals and the hospitals charge even more for it. Um... ok. How else do you think they pay their staff and for materials? They have to be bringing some money in. Then he's like, yeah well so&so (some high up person) just gave herself a raise and is making a crazy amount of money.... uh... I don't care. All I care about is that there's someone out there who's life could possibly be saved because they have my donated O+ blood. I can't concern myself with every corrupt/greedy SOB out there... it'd be way too much of a hassle. Serious buzzkill.

Ok, so I probably won't be on for a few days, but I'll blog again on Monday to talk about how the weekend went. =)