and the walls are down...

You ever get that feeling that something great is about to happen…and it scares the hell out of you? That’s pretty much me right now. I’m starting to feel like things are falling into place; that I’m getting closer to my “happily ever after”. I haven’t felt this way about anyone in such a long time. The walls are completely down…he has my heart…and we’re not even an official couple yet. It’s weird and so backwards, loving each other without the long, serious relationship first, but it happened. It’s like one of those romantic comedies – the two people are friends for so long…then become the “friends with benefits”…then something changes, and they find themselves falling in love. It’s kinda huge for me. I mean, hell, the last man to tell me he loved me was J, so we’re talking almost 3 years of not feeling loved. After this weekend though, I’m feeling it again. I no longer have the feeling of unrequited love; the feeling’s actually mutual. It’s amazing and it makes me so happy I almost want to cry, but at the same time I’m kinda scared. I’m not sure what the future holds. He could seriously be the one. With other guys I didn’t want to get involved because I enjoyed my freedom, knowing that I could still look around and see what else was out there. With him though, it’s different. I can honestly say that there is no one else that I’d rather be with. I hope he feels the same way…I think he does, or at least is starting to. Just wish I could get inside his head to figure out what he’s thinking, to know how he really feels. He’s so absolutely amazing with L, but would he be willing to be her step-dad if it came to that? We’re a package deal – it’s like insta-family with us. Is he ready to basically have a kid? He certainly acts like it, just don’t want to get my hopes up too much. I love him and I’m happy and I just don’t want this feeling to go away. Still, not gonna rush it. Even though people give me crap about it, I’m gonna do things on his schedule so that he doesn’t get overwhelmed with anything and run away. Hell, I don’t care if I’m the friend, girlfriend, or wife…as long as he continues to be a part of my life I’ll be happy. Ok, that’s not entirely true – y’all know I’d love to be more than a friend. I want to be the only woman he could ever see himself with. Might be asking for a lot, but it’s what I want. I’m willing to wait for it too; he’s so beyond worth it.