Just Dealing...

What through radiance that was once so bright, be now forever taken from my sight. Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass , of glory in the flower; we will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind. 

William Wadsworth

I kinda love how my venting on my blog really helps me to see things more clearly. I’m just frustrated right now at the lack of communication from some people. I’m ready to just walk away. I mean, granted, the guy is probably 100% worth the wait and worth all this frustration, but I just don’t feel like I deserve to be pushed aside like I’m nothing. I’m not a “back-burner” type girl. If you want me, if you actually care about me, then you’ll make time for me. It’s as easy as that. Lord knows that my life is incredibly hectic, but I always make time for the people I care about. Might have something to do with the fact that I’m not a cold and heartless bitch. Not saying that any of the guys I’m talking about are cold heartless bitches, just saying that I’m not one.

Anyway, roomie is out of town for a week – oh yeah, moved out a couple of months ago. I plan on spending this time just organizing everything. Hopefully I’ll be able to finish moving my stuff in. Looks like I’ll be doing that on my own since the person that said they’d help had been kinds absent. And this, my friends, is why I never depend on a guy for anything. It’s not worth the hassle and heartbreak when they blow you off.

This weekend is going to be pretty tough for me. On Saturday we are going to a service for one of our former co-workers that recently passed away. I worked closely with her for my first couple of years here. She was young, in her thirties, but she was very sick – cancer. Then on Sunday I’m going with my grandmother to the cemetery. Papa Al’s nameplate and everything should be put in by now so we’re going to pay our respects – he passed on May 19th of a heart attack. Grandma found him slumped over at home and the ambulance rushed him to the hospital. Mom and I got there right before the Dr called us all in to let us know he didn’t survive. It was so unbelievably hard to hear and I tried to stay strong for my grandmother, but still broke down. Lo and I went over there practically every weekend, spent so much time with him. Yesterday would have been his 82nd birthday. I took Lo over there last weekend and she walked into the house and first thing she asked – “Where’s Papa Al?”. So grandma and I had to explain to her again that he’s up in heaven. It sucks, I miss him. I gotta stop talking about it or I’m gonna start crying again.

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love.

Washington Irving