Yes, once upon a time you could say that I was jaded. I’ve been through a lot and I couldn’t trust anyone. I built walls around my heart and refused to let anyone in because I was terrified of being hurt again. I thought for sure that I would end up spending the rest of my life alone; that no one would want to be with me. It controlled my life, as proven in previous posts, but not anymore. My New Year’s resolution was to bring those walls down and to let people into my life without assuming that they only intended to destroy it.
I’m happy now. I know that I am an amazing person and anyone would be lucky to have me in their life. I know what my priorities are – my daughter and my education, not my relationship status. I’m not even in a place in my life where I can give all of myself to someone. I have far too much going on right now. I work full time, I’m a full time student, and I’m a single mom; doesn’t leave much room for date night. So right now, I’m perfectly content with being single.
I posted on FB the other day something along those lines, and while I had one friend comment that she liked it, stalker boy came on and said it sounded jaded. Um… what? How is my being confident with myself jaded? So I was chatting with a friend about it and she said that he’s probably just pissed because my being happily single really does mean that I’ll never get to the point that I’d be desperate enough to date him. I’m sorry, but there’s just not enough alcohol in the world that would cause me to even hint at dating him. Just not there, and to be honest, dude creeps me out. So he ended up ruining a perfectly nice status update… so I deleted the post and then I deleted him. I don’t need to be FB friends with people that I can’t stand.
The book – “The Gift of Fear” explains quite nicely why women are victimized so much… it’s because we’re too nice. It’s like we’re trained to be polite and not hurt people’s feelings; that it’s wrong to be rude when in all actuality, being rude could save your life. After reading that book I realized that I needed to stop placating people. If a situation is making me uncomfortable I’ll let people know about it. I’m not going to play nice and potentially lead someone on because that could lead to a rather dangerous situation. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that stalker boy is actually a threat…Lord knows I could kick his ass if it ever came to that (not even joking… I could totally take him), I just would rather not have to deal with awkward situations.
So yeah, I’m single and kinda loving it. I like not having the pressure of trying to find a guy or the stress of having to find time for someone. I like not having to answer to anyone and being able to hang out with people without getting the 3rd degree. I mean, I’m not alone; I have my friends that I can turn to, both guys and girls, if I just need someone to talk to or chill with. Plus… there’s someone else that could possibly fill that “relationship” void without there being an actual relationship. He understands my situation and we’re actually on the same page with things, which is really nice.
I’m sure that 30 will come and I’ll still be unmarried, but at that point I’ll have other things to be proud of – like an amazing daughter, a kick ass degree, and with any luck a job that I love. Everything else will fall into place when it’s meant to be. Until then, I’m not being jaded…I’m just being me.
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