BAM!!!

Yup... that's the sound of the other shoe dropping. I appreciate the honesty of people, but some things really are best left unsaid. I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever really be able to be happy...or maybe I need to get back on my meds. I just hate having to depend on them to put a dang smile on my face. It's not fair.

I might be overreacting, but I don't know. I mean... I can handle what I found out - there really was no betrayal or anything - I just didn't want to know about it. What I cannot handle is breaking down and having a certain person...the one that I drop everything to be there for when needed... not be there for me. I'm sorry, but if someone you supposedly care about and don't want to hurt leaves a voicemail, crying, saying that they just need someone to talk to... wouldn't you call them back? Meanwhile, my best friend's boyfriend just saw a simple tweet and called me right away to see if I was ok. Broke down in tears with him on the phone. I just don't know how I'm going to explain to my daughter that she really is never going to know her father. I was so hoping that he'd get his act together and one day be a part of her life, but obviously that's never going to happen. And she does love him. We talk about him, she sees his pictures so she knows what he looks like. They're learning about families at school now so she's been asking to see him more and more and all I can tell her is that he was a bad listener and didn't follow the rules so he's in time out for a long time. That's not gonna fly forever. This is just hitting me harder then I expected. Yeah, he's gonna spend a long time in jail, most people would think I'd be thrilled, but I'm just so disappointed instead.

Oh, and I'm doing a 5K run tonight so I get to see my ex, C, and his girlfriend there tonight. Those f*kers don't even work here and yet they're gonna participate. I shouldn't let it get to me, but she's the girl he tossed me aside for, so it stings a little. I hate this. I was doing so good for like a week and now I feel like everything is crumbling down around me...again.